Would You Love Me Less?

“Would you love me less if I had a giant scar across my face?” I stared blankly at him for a minute and thought to myself, “how could he even ask that?” Of course, if my husband somehow got a large scar on his face or any part of his body, it would, in no way, effect how much I love him.

So why exactly do I feel like I need to apologize every time I take my shirt off in front of him?

Would You Love Me Less - Jessica Pregnant

I grow large giant babies, and when I’m pregnant, my stomach gets as big as a normal woman when she is carrying twins. There is plenty of research that says it’s all genetic, stretch marks, that is. I have stretch marks. Well, not just marks. They certainly look nothing like the stretch marks women proudly display in pictures plastered all over the internet. Mine are rippled, dimpled, doughy looking scars that now cover my flabby, loose-skinned stomach, and for that, I apologize every time my husband sees them.

Would You Love Me Less - Delivery Room

I wish I was writing a self-confidence post. I wish I could tell you that they are my tiger stripes that I fiercely earned or my motherhood battle scars, but this isn’t and they aren’t. I think platitudes like that hurt especially bad because I see thousands of moms who have carried multiple children and have just as much or even more experience with the battle of motherhood, but no body disfigurement to go along with it. I’m also guessing those moms don’t lay in bed wishing they had the scars to prove they are some kind of mother tiger, but I lay in bed wishing I didn’t. No, this isn’t a self-confidence post.

Would You Love Me Less - The kiddos

Instead, I am going to tell you this; no matter what it is that you try desperately to hide from your loved ones, you can’t hide it and they don’t care about it. You don’t have to love your body or embrace your imperfections, you do not have to pretend like it doesn’t bother you, but you also do not have to be ashamed of your body in front the people closest to you, the people that matter most. Your kids do not care if your skin starts to sag, your sister doesn’t like you less because you have cellulite on your butt, your parents aren’t any less proud of you because you can no longer squeeze into your skinny jeans, and in this instance, my husband doesn’t love me any less because I have scars stretching across my stomach.  I’ve been apologizing to him for the way my body looks for years and all it took was one simple question to turn my thoughts around.

Would You Love Me Less - The stretch marks

“Would you love me less if I had a giant scar across my face?” After a dumbfounded minute I responded, “No, of course I wouldn’t.” He replied, “Well then stop apologizing, I am not going to tell you again, I don’t care, I don’t even think about it.”

Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.

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Jessica

Jessica is a follower of Jesus, a wife, and a mommy. A family life expert who writes about her personal life, parenting adventures, and everything in-between.

13 Comments

  1. Such true words! You have an amazing hubby on your hands and I’m sure he thinks about how lucky he is that you carried his children for as long as you did every time he looks at them.

  2. Love love love this post Jess!! I can related in sooo many ways and sadly I can’t blame my scars on birthing my precious babies but you are so right it doesn’t make me any less love able I need to learn to love myself flaws and all just like the people in my life that love me for me!

  3. Best thing I’ve read all day! You are incredibly brave and incredibly beautiful, as are your children. We all suffer with accepting our bodies after pregnancy. I’m in the middle of my second pregnancy right now and am already thinking about the “after” I’m going to be dealing with. We’re so hard on ourselves, but you’re so right, our men love us anyway. Your husband sounds like a pretty awesome guy.

  4. Love this! And I’ve never thought about it like that. My hubby always tells me to stop hating my body too, but this analogy totally makes it click. Thanks for sharing!

  5. I read that you are a follower of Jesus, that is great. Now I can follow the best of both worlds, a great paintball-coach (my fav. hobby)and his wife and as a Christian read some of the big lessons in life! May God bless you both!

  6. What a beautiful post! I have definitely been feeling more body conscious then ever before now that I am pregnant with #2 and aware that the stretch marks don’t go away and my boobs will go back to looking like yogurt in a ziploc bag about 6 months after the baby is born. Of course it is worth it, but I also haven’t been able to look at the changes with pride and a sense of “I earned these” as a mum,”. I look at them more like “it’s the price that I pay for growing a beautiful human being inside of you”, even if your body looks completely different by the time you’re 26.
    Isn’t it amazing to think of the way our husbands can look at our bodies and at us after these changes in the same way Jesus looks at us? I often come back to Song of Solomon 4:7 “You are altogether beautiful my love, there is no flaw in you.”

  7. Wow. Just wow. Such a beautiful post and I can’t wait to read more of your writing. You have a gift friend. Thank your for your vulnerability and transparency and for speaking TRUTH. Brittany

  8. I read this post the other night and my goodness, you hit the nail on the head. It’s sooooo hard not to be hard on yourself. Leave it to these amazing men in our lives to keep it real with us and make us feel like a million bucks all at the same time. You’ve got a good man!!

  9. This is beautiful. Point taken for sure. I recently wrote a postpartum body image post too 🙂

    It’s so true I wouldn’t love any of my loved ones less if they changed, especially for something so insignificant as a little weight gain or cellulite. We are so much more than our outward appearance. I commend you for sharing this, the world needs to see more realistic postpartum bodies.

  10. Confidence is the most beautiful element in the World.

    And even when you don’t believe you have it, I’ll believe you will.

  11. Jessica, I’m so glad I endulged in reading your blog today. (Something I have been wanting to do for a while but couldn’t slow down!) You are beautiful inside and out! I’m going to go ahead and say it….those marks are so precious! Having them means you are blessed with children who have a purpose and a plan to be used by the Lord for His glory! Given the choice, we would all choose no stretch marks, less hair (me!), bigger eyes, smaller bodies, etc etc etc. However God chooses to use the downcast, the beaten, the less-than-perfect to achieve His plan. Thankfully our bodies show His Victory over the “less-thans” of this life!!

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