Yes, I am one of those wives.
I am not talking about a perfect house keeping wife. The kind that is ready to open her door to a guest at the drop of a hat. The kind that makes her bed in the morning and puts away the clean laundry every night. You know the kind, right? The kind that never has a dirty dish sitting in the sink or on the counter? If you knew my aversion to cleaning then you would know that, no, I am not one of those wives.
I am also not talking about one of those beautiful trophy wives. Nope, I am not one of those wives. One of those wives that never leave the house without their hair perfect and full make-up to match. The kind that gets to the gym every morning before the rest of her family wakes up and is back in time to actually get a shower and brush her teeth before school drop off. The kind of wife that shops at Nordstrom and not Target’s t-shirt and sweats section. You can usually find me running up the stairs at 5:15p.m. to brush my teeth, comb my hair, and change from pajamas to yoga pants just seconds before my husband walks through the door so nope, not a trophy wife, thats for sure.
I am one of those wives though. You know, the kind of wife that makes my husband a lunch every single day. The kind of wife that makes sure a hot dinner is on the table or at least in the oven when my husband walks through the door. The kind of wife that will stay up until 2:00a.m. to wash the one shirt my husband decides he must have for work tomorrow. Yes, I am one of those wives.
I am also one those moms. I pack my daughter a lunch every day. I know I could pay for hot lunch but I actually enjoy carefully curating the perfect healthy lunch. I drive her to and from school everyday, even though it would be so much easier to put her on the bus. I will even drive back to school with the perfect hair bow she forgot but she “reeeally wants to wear.” I get excited for our Friday doughnut and hot chocolate dates and I get sick to my stomach when I think about letting someone else spend 6.5 hours a day, 5 days week with her. I am one of those moms and wives, and I am not going to apologize for it.
It almost never fails that when I mention one of these daily duties, like if I tell someone I make Rusty’s lunch every morning before he leaves for work, I get a giggle in response with a casual, “oh I miss the honeymoon stage, enjoy it while it lasts.” Well, I don’t think we are in the honeymoon stage anymore. We have been together for 11 years, married for 5.5, we have 2 kids, have moved 3 times. We have been through job loss, multiple career changes, and have even uprooted our family to another country. I think that is more marital stress then some couples will ever have and it certainly gives us a ticket out of the “honeymoon stage.”
I get the same reaction from people when I mention that I drive my daughter to school everyday or that I don’t put my son in pre-school. I often hear, “oh that will change, you will get over driving her,” or “but don’t you need some time alone?” Those things might be true for some moms and that is fine, but that is not what I want for me or my family. I am a stay at home mom for a reason, I don’t want to share the honor and responsibility of raising my kids or caring for my family.
I am one of those wives because I want to be one of those wives. I want to try and take care of the emotional and physical needs of my family. I want to be the one in charge of nourishing their bodies with healthy, home made, food. I want to be the one making sure my daughter arrives safely at school and I want to make sure no one spends more time with my children then I do. My husband married a caretaker and that is a title I am happy to have, not one that I hope fades away over time. Yes, I am one of those wives, and believe it or not, am proud of it.