How To: Tastefully Spice Up Your Marraige

*Contains mature content. Adults only please.

Lets face it, keeping the romance alive in a marriage can be difficult. For most women it is very difficult to ever “get in the mood.” I get it. After I have been touched, and poked, and pulled on all day long by two needy children, the last thing I want is for a third set of grubby hands to be all up in personal space. In my mind I am often screaming, “can everyone just stop touching me?!”

Even though sex is often the last thing on our minds, it doesn’t mean we can just brush the whole idea under a rug and hope that it eventually disappears. That isn’t fair to our husbands, it isn’t fair to our marriages, and it really isn’t fair to us. I’m am sure if you think really hard, you can remember a time when you actually loved sex with your husband and I’m sure you would love to have those feelings of enjoyment and excitement back in your life.

Ladies, I am going to give you a list of things for you to try that will help you spice up your marriage. If you give each of these an honest try, I promise they will work. I can’t honestly sit here and tell you that my sex life is perfect because I regularly work through this list, I don’t. What I can tell you though is, when I do keep up with this list of 10 easy tricks to keep the spark alive, my sex life and my marriage greatly improves.

How To: Tastefully Spice Up Your Marriage in 10 Easy Steps

Shave every day – Yes, I know that might sound like a huge commitment to some of you but it isn’t, I promise. I have actually shaved my legs and arms everyday for at least the last 15 years. It takes me all of 2 minutes to get it all done. Just like putting on your favorite lip stick or throwing on your most flattering t-shirt, shaving your legs daily will give you just the boost of confidence you need.


Dance – Dance party! Just turn some music on in your home and dance. I’m not talking about bumping and grinding in your living room, I mean just let loose. We like to play music while I cook dinner and Rusty and the kids dance around the living room to kill time before we eat. It is a great way to just loosen up and put yourself in a better mood. And if you get the chance to throw a little teaser move in there when the kids aren’t looking, go for it!

Play with eachother – A little rough housing never hurt anyone. Rusty regularly wrestles with the kids and its always fun when I join in. All the touch, tickling, chasing, and giggling will lift your mood and lets be honest, wrestling can easily turn into something more…

Ask your husband to teach you something – Men love to feel needed, respected, and necessary. Help your man to feel all of these things by asking him to teach you something. There are few things Rusty loves more then when I sit down with him at our desk and let him teach me about SEO and web development. On the same note, he was in heaven the few times he took me and my friends to play paintball and he was able to coach me from the sidelines. It is not that he wants me to play paintball or become some kind of SEO genius, he just loves that I am coming to him and as an expert in these fields and by doing this I am acknowledging his strengths.


Play a game and be on the same team – Don’t get me wrong, it is always fun to play a game against Rusty and prove that I am better than him. Hahaha. I can be just as competitive as the next guy when it comes to Catch Phrase, Wii Tennis, Monopoly or whatever other game we decide to pull out. But for the sake of building our marriage bond, it is important to regularly find ourselves on the same team, fighting for the same goals, just like we need to do in our everyday life. So, invite some friends over for a game night and team up as couples against each other. I promise, you will all have so much fun cheering on your spouses.

Play the 36 question game – Have you ever played the 36 question game? Its basically believed that, if you answer these 36 questions with someone and then you look into each others eyes for 4 minutes, you will fall in love. Now, I don’t know if this is or isn’t true, but that isn’t the point. Here is why I am suggesting this game. I think we all love the idea of date night but after 12 years together, Rusty and I have pretty much run out of things to talk about. Sure, we can sit there are share stories about the kids, how cute they are, how funny they are, how much they drive us crazy, but I want to get back to those dating conversations when we couldn’t drink in enough information about the other one. These questions will help you get back to that type of conversation. We only get through about 3 or 4 of them per date night, but they have changed how we interact on dates.

Schedule sex – I’m not kidding. We have done it and it works. For those of you that watch Parenthood, I am sure you remember funky town. Well for a while, Rusty and I honestly put funky town on our shared family calendar and it was great. Now, let me explain why. Putting sex on the calendar removes my ability to use it as a weapon. I will admit it to you right now,  if everything doesn’t go exactly my way on any certain day then sex is off the table. That is a horrible way for me to behave and it isn’t fair for Rusty to feel like he has to walk on egg shells in order to get sex. If Funky Town is on the calendar, then it is set and stone and it cannot be changed. That means it doesn’t matter what mistakes were made during the day, our plan is still the same for that night. We like to make it a regular scheduled thing, we will usually pick 2 – 3 days a week and set our calendar for the whole month. One more thing I’d like to mention. You might want to say, “well that’s boring, no spontaneity.” To that, I say this, nothing is stopping you from having sex on other nights that are not on the calendar. This is just a minimum commitment. Be as spontaneous as you like on non scheduled nights.


Take things outside of the bedroom – I have an amazing friend, a beautiful and kind friend, who is the best wife I know. Every single time I am thinking about my marriage, considering what changes need to be made for improvement, she comes to mind. I often turn to her for advice and she has never steered me wrong. She also has the best sex life with her husband. Maybe I shouldn’t know that, but girls talk. 😉 Anyway, she once told me that her and her husband make it a goal to have sex in every room of their home at least once. I wish I had that kind of passion. I don’t know if you are likely to set this type of goal and reach it, I know I am not, but what I did learn is we can and should take things outside of the bedroom. Even if that means we end up on the couch or maybe in the bathroom, at least we got our butts out of the boring old bed and made a change in our routine.

Essential Oil Lube –  This one is so simple! Lubes that you buy are the store are filled with nasty chemicals and no one thinks chemicals are sexy. Making a lube at home is as easy as mixing together some coconut oil and a few drops of essential oil. I am sure you can look up an endless amount of essential oil “lube” recipes but I highly recommend using peppermint oil. Yes, peppermint oil! It sound like it might be spicy, but it is not, it is amazing. You will not regret trying it! For more information on Essential oils, click here.


Tell eachother what you like – Okay, this is my last suggestion and although it is the most obvious one, it will be the hardest. I know it can be embarrassing to tell your husband what you like and don’t like, but men are not mind readers and you need to feel satisfaction or you won’t want to go back for more. If you aren’t sure what you like, research it. I don’t suggest using Google, who knows what will pop up on your computer screen, but you can go to the library or to a book store and read books. We actually own a book called “The Good Orgasm Book” and every couple of years, we actually do flip through it. Don’t be embarrassed. This is your husband. The man that has seen you give birth, held back your hair while you puked, and has likely walked into the bathroom right after you walked out (if you know what i mean, enter giggle emoji here), he certainly isn’t going to mind hearing what you like when it comes to funky town business!

I hope you find all of this information useful. Now go have some fun!

Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.




Jessica is a follower of Jesus, a wife, and a mommy. A family life expert who writes about her personal life, parenting adventures, and everything in-between.


  1. I wasn’t sure what i was getting into when I started reading but wow! Great tips here! A very well thought-out and written post…well done friend!

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