Picture yourself standing on the edge of a cliff of a tall mountain.It’s dark outside and the earth is quiet. You hear only a few crickets and the wind as it gently whistles through the trees. There is no one around, it’s only you and God… What would you do? Well, to start, you would be still.
It’s much harder to do this in our everyday life. Can you be still in your current situation? Can you summon that feeling of peace when things get tough?
It’s not easy!
I’ve found (through trial and many errors) that the best thing to do when someone you love is struggling with addiction is to stop “doing”. Be still. Let God. Stillness is not a personality trait that comes easily to me, especially not when I’m facing a problem. I don’t procrastinate, I attack! Which is a great personality trait until you’re faced with a problem where the solution is stillness. Wait. Trust in God.
It’s taken me a long time to learn that being peaceful when things are going badly is possible, but what a relief it is to know that if there’s nothing I can do, I can just do nothing. Instead of trying to fix things, I can trust God to do His thing (which turns out, IS doing something after all!).
My natural reaction to a problem:
- Make a list, prioritizing the more urgent tasks at the top
- Work my way through the list from top to bottom
- Make phone calls
- Make notes on my list
- Freak out a little bit and then revert back to my list
- Ask for support from family or friends who are in a position to assist in whatever problem I’m attacking and brainstorm solutions
- Make more notes on my list. Maybe freak out again.
- Proceed through the aforementioned list until I have completed it. Feel successful. All the glory goes to Leah.
When we solve our problems on your own, God doesn’t get any glory. He has to give us things we can’t do so we know He is the only one who can. God shows us His strength through our weaknesses.
HOW DO I BE STILL?
A few years ago, I found myself in a situation that no amount of list-making would fix. My husband, Mr. Grey, was struggling with a substance addiction he just couldn’t quit. To make a long story short, he spiraled out of control. I really thought I was going to lose him either by overdose or suicide. I couldn’t fix it. I couldn’t fix him. Nothing I did helped him stop and everything I tried to do only made it worse.
I was frustrated. I was hurt. I was angry. I was lonely. I was scared. I was sad. I was anxious. I was out of ideas. And I was tired. Really, really tired.
Does this sound familiar to you?
If it does, I want you to know there’s hope in what looks like a “Hopeless-Mess“! Let God take over. He can totally fix this.
- Don’t argue with Mr. Grey when I think he’s under the influence of drugs
- Have a place where he can stay that’s void of all women (if I can manage to convince him to leave)
- Have a bag packed for me and the children and a place for us to stay, just in case
- Make sure my cellphone is always charged
- Clean the house and do laundry daily, look for signs of drugs and cheating (I licked some weird-tasting things off the floor, let me tell you!)
- If I find drugs, call his outpatient program treatment coordinator and have her deal with it so I avoid any wrath
- Go to couples therapy to “support the recovery” (a.k.a. go to couples therapy and rat him out for every lie he’s told that week)
- Pray for God to change him. Also, to make him feel really guilty for leaving me home alone all the time with two (sometimes three) little kids. Pray he has a really bad day. No, scratch that, that’s not nice. Pray he comes home safe and on time.
- Figure out what to do next
Like most well-devised plans, none of mine worked out as planned. Ha! Planning on myself and other people just didn’t work. Just when I thought I had everything under control something would happen and I would go back to being angry, sad, hurt, frustrated, etc. The only way to “fix” it was to surrender control and submit to God’s will. I had to learn to plan on God and not on people.
It’s been a long road for us and it’s not over yet but I’m happy to say that Mr. Grey is currently (and very successfully) working through a year-long faith-based program to get his life on track. Praise Jesus because my husband is one amazing man!
If you’re here and you’ve found me it’s because you’re a non-addicted (or maybe no-longer-addicted) wife, mother, sister, friend or other loved one. If you’re like I was, you’ve been getting (and Googling!) all kinds of advice but you still have no idea what to do. What you may not know, is God put an answer and directive to every problem in His Word. With the Holy Spirit guiding me, I’m here to help you find the path to total recovery and healing for the both of you.
God brought YOU here today, so today, it starts with you!
Your loved one doesn’t need to get better for God to heal your pain.
There’s a story from Christian speaker Joyce Meyer that comes to mind (I’m NOT quoting verbatim! If you’re interested you can watch the video or read her article, I posted the links below!) where she explains the differences between a chicken and an eagle during a storm. The chicken runs for shelter but the eagle actually faces the eye of the storm and waits for the right time to spread its wings. Then, the eagle rides the momentum of the storm’s currents upward to get to the still, blue, sunshiny sky above the storm where it will fly until the storm has passed.
You, my friend, are the eagle. You can rise above and hover over this storm. My favourite part about this analogy of comparing it to a loved one struggling with addiction is that the eagle flies above the storm, meaning, it doesn’t leave. If it’s possible and safe, let us not abandon our loved ones in their storm.
“But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” -Isaiah 40:31
Picture yourself as an eagle, perched on the edge of a cliff on a tall mountain.
The sun is warm as it shines down on your majestic crown of feathers. You’re the queen of the air. There is silence. A bug flies past your wing. You feel a breeze slowly trickle by, you know it’s God. You spread your wings wide and fall. The wind catches you and ushers you into the sunlight…
Be still and know that He is God and while you’re at it, enjoy the sunshine.